Proving the doctors wrong – or right

I don’t know if it’s this year or what, but I think doctors are getting lazy. I know some of them are working really, really hard because of COVID-19, but I think the rest of them are just kind of taking it easy.

This year, like most others for me, I’ve spent with sinus distress. I try to hide it, because a lot of my symptoms are the same as the virus we shall not name here. I’ve got a runny nose, and I’m sneezing and wheezing. I had pneumonia in January, and I don’t think I ever 100 percent recovered from that.

There’s one major symptom that sets me apart from those in quarantine among us: I have my sense of smell and taste, and they’re getting me in a lot of trouble. It’s making it too easy for the medical professionals.

Despite the situation we collectively find ourselves in, this has been an extremely busy year for me. I’ve been working lots of hours, and that hasn’t always translated to the healthy lifestyle people have become accustomed to from me. OK, even I think that one is funny!

For the last decade or so, I’ve stayed in the range of what I consider kind of fat. That’s where I could probably run a mile if I had to, but I may rest a little along the way. I’m not going to get much more than that accomplished, but I was watching what I eat, kind of at least.

I’ve been lower than that, at the level I would consider just a little bit overweight by medical standards but really, really good for me. I’ll be honest, I haven’t spent a whole lot of time at that place, but I’ve been there. It’s kind of boring, actually. I’m happily married to a beautiful woman who loves me just the way I am, so why would I need to be skinny, or at least skinny for me.

This year, in conjunction with what we’ll blame on work-related stress (see what you people are doing to me?), I’ve thrown on some pounds. I’m not in bigger clothes, but the ones I have sure aren’t loose, that I’ll admit. I’ve graduated from “kind of fat” to “pretty fat,” in my mind.

As tends to happen now and again, let’s bring this back to doctors being lazy. They see a guy like me coming, and they don’t even do any research. Arthritis in the knees? “Hey John, why don’t you lose 35 pounds and tell me if it still hurts?”

Well why don’t you… never mind. This is a family newspaper.

I’m kind of thinking that these so-called professionals are just sharing each other’s work. I went to a specialist for my sinus-wheezing situation, and before she even stuck a scope up my nose, I got this: “You know you have a belly,” she said. I thought maybe she was going to ask if I had a Santa suit and was free for a kids’ party Saturday. It wasn’t that fun, as she continued, “You know, it’s all kind of related.”

So my nose is running because I’m fat?

I’m thankful for the New Year for a lot of reasons, but we all know that with the dawn of 2021, I’m going to resolve to lose weight and get back down a level or two on my scale of fatness.

At that time, I’m going to march back into these doctors’ offices, and make them earn their pay this time. It’s going to have to wait until then, however. I was going to start yesterday, but hey, it’s Christmas. It would be rude to not eat cookies when they’re presented to me.

So, here’s a warning if you want to bake me treats. You only have a couple more weeks to deliver.

After that, I’m proving these doctors wrong…or right.

by John McLoone