MY View

BY JOHN McLOONE

My zombie days are over!

I am officially bright-eyed and bushy tailed, at least as much as someone like me can be. My leg hurts, but I’m choosing to deal with it.

Two days ago, I was a zombie. My leg didn’t hurt, but maybe that’s because I was sleeping.

I am forging my own course. I’ll admit that when I have chosen to make my own medical decisions, without a physician’s advice, it hasn’t always gone so well. This time, however, I’m in control.

After a visit with Dr. John, here’s what my chart looks like: A few years back, I suffered a wicked knee injury. As a result of that, I have what I would term significant nerve pain surrounding that knee. If you’ll recall, a few months back I wrote about torment at the hands of my driver/wife. When she would shift her car into gear, she would, she claims, inadvertently strike my knee as hard as she could. (Remember, this is my chart, and I’m now the doctor, so this may not be written from her vantage point.) After that piece hit the paper, I received several emails. One told me to put some of these magic oils on my leg. I’m pretty sure she was a dealer in these magic potions, that cure all ills and make your room smell good. Others pointed out that if I just moved my leg, the problem would have been solved. What a heartless statement! My side of the car is my domain! She was infringing upon my “airspace” when she “attacked” me.

At that time, I went to a real medical doctor. She prescribed for me real drugs that were going to solve all my problems.

Maybe they helped with the knee pain, but they have created somewhat of another problem: I can fall asleep at just about any moment, and not just when my wife is giving me direction. At first, I didn’t heed the pharmacist’s warning. He told me to wait until bedtime to take my first dose and do that for two weeks. I grabbed a coffee and promptly took dose one while on the road. I ended up pulling over at a rest area for a 45-minute snooze. These things officially earned my respect. So, I diligently took them at night for a couple weeks and then added the morning dose, per direction.

After a few weeks of that routine, I think I was asleep more than I was awake. My job requires a fairly ambitious schedule. I’ve always been an early riser, and I use the weekend to catch up on my week. Here’s what I did last weekend: I went to bed at 9 p.m. Friday night and got up at 8 a.m. Saturday. I took a two-hour nap in the afternoon. I hit the hay by 9 that night. I worked for several hours Sunday, and that just led up to snoring in my recliner by 8 p.m. My alarm went off at 3:30 a.m., and I ignored it.

It was at that time I decided enough was enough! I was several hours behind schedule all day Monday and that has continued into Tuesday. I have officially decided to say no to these drugs!

The torment of the knee pain is the lesser of two evils. Give me a few days, folks, and I’ll be back to my old ball-of-fire self! I actually miss insomnia! And to my coworkers: Beware! The 3 a.m. emails will be returning!